Day 10: Something You miss
My mom always has music playing in the living room at their house. She has done that since I can remember. It is always happy, relaxing, comforting music such as the soundtracks from “The Holiday”, “The Parent Trap” (the newer version with Dennis Quaid) and “Sense and Sensibility”. One of the CD’s she has been playing for a long time is Kenny G’s Greatest Hits. If you haven’t heard of him, he is only the best saxophone artist ever. I love his music.
I recently added a bunch of his songs onto my ITunes and tonight I was listening to music and one of his songs came on which is a song that’s on the CD my mom has. I caught myself missing home a lot. And I was thinking about how ironic it is that I was never really a “home body” up until recently. As soon as I turned 18 I was out of the house, years before that I would always be wishing I were 18 so I could move out and “live on my own”, and for a few years after that I would hardly ever go back, I was “too busy” making things work on my own, almost like I was “proving” that I could do it. I spent my days doing what I wanted and not having to check in with anyone or ask permission, moving here and there, working 2-3 jobs, living on Hamburger Helper and Mac & Cheese, going out on week-nights. I was always busy and constantly with someone but, I felt lonely and something was missing. Then 2 years later I moved back home. My Mom became one of my best friends, I couldn’t get enough attention from my Dad, and I was back with people who really did love me, back in a peaceful place where I was safe. I didn’t want to leave, but something still felt like it was missing. So, I left that home I finely had come to cherish. I moved the farthest away I had ever been from home, but somehow, even though it was further away then where I previously had lived, I still felt closer to home then I had ever been before (make sense?). Maybe, it was because I knew I could go back home if I wanted and I realized I really didn’t have to prove anything. I had lived my “trial and error” life and finely found out that kind of life wasn’t necessary, it was now time to live the life I was meant to be living, with the people that were supposed to be a part of that life. Through the next month I went back home frequently, more than I had in a years time when I lived just a town away from there. It almost felt like I was “making up” for the time I had missed being “far away” from home, living on “my own”. Between my travels back and forth from home, school and starting my “new” life I met Joey. I found what was “missing”. I couldn’t wait for him to meet my parents and for him to feel my “renewed” admiration for them; I couldn’t wait to bring him home.
Over the last couple of years he and I have been making our own home. It has been kind of challenging. I had just barely become a part of my parents home again and was now having to make a home somewhere else. I have been taking as many opportunities as I can to go visit my parent’s home, trying to get Joey to spare some time from the ranch to go with me. It’s just so far away, and I miss it and them. I cried during the whole Kenny G song. I finally got something back that I had been needing and had to give some of it away not long after. I know it needed to be done and I know I need to be making my own home. But, it’s just hard. I miss that home right now. I love Joey, but it’s hard for him to understand sometimes I think. I know he spent 2 years down south on a LDS church mission, he missed home like crazy, but he knew he’d be coming back. In a way I can’t go back. I can go back as a visitor but not as a dweller. Therefore, I visit a lot haha. Am I just being a whining brat? Probably. I wish I could go back and stay closer to home for as long as possible but still somehow have everything still turn out the way it has. I know that it impossible on so many levels so now all I can do is blog about how I feel and count my blessings.
I am
thankful that I even
had that time at home that I had been missing out on. I am
thankful my relationships with my parents are so strong now. I am
thankful I went through those years alone, as hard and painful as they were, I needed to in order to appreciate what was right in front of me but so far away. I am
thankful for my parents, how they always had their doors, arms, and hearts opened towards me even when I wasn’t looking, and for their countless prayers they said and say on my behalf. I am
thankful for my husband, for his patience as I try and get used to my new life and new home and try, but sometimes fail at appreciating it, and also for his unconditional love towards me no matter what. I am
thankful for my Father in heaven, I know he has a plan for me; I know he loves me and knows what is best for me. I am
thankful for my family. I know that home is where the
heart is, therefore my parent’s home is, in a way, still my home, but Joey also has my heart so my home is here as well. I am
thankful for that.
Day 1: Introduce, recent picture of yourself, 15 interesting facts
Day 2: Meaning behind your blog name
Day 5: A song to match your mood
Day 6: A picture of something that makes you happy
Day 8: A place you've traveled to
Day 9: A favorite picture of your best friend
Day 10: Something you miss
Day 11: Something you're afraid of
Day 12: Your last 5 Facebook statues
Day 13: Favorite tv shows
Day 14: A picture of you last year - how have you changed?
Day 17: Something you're looking forward to
Day 18: Favorite place(s) to eat
Day 21: Favorite Picture of yourself ALL TIME Why?
Day 22: What's in your purse?
Day 23: A letter to someone
Day 24: Something you've learned
Day 25: Put your iPod on shuffle, first 10 songs
Day 27: Original Photo of the city you live in
Day 28: Something that stresses you out
Day 30: a picture of yourself this day and 5 good things that happened since you started the challenge
