TTC

When you just know you're pregnant, you can feel it, what you've hoped for is happening again you just know it! But, it's been 4 weeks and apparently it's still too early for a positive pregnancy test, you know because you've been testing since conception haha. So you wait until the day your period is supposed to come, still no period, yes! you knew it!!! And it's only days before Thanksgiving. Best. Thanksgiving. Day. Surprise. Ever. So you buy a test, go to the bathroom, read the instructions for the millionth time, get ready to test again and.... You got your period... Yeah, it sucks :'( 

Enjoying my child

Winter (my 21 month old daughter btw) likes to climb on top of our dining room table. It's an endless fight to keep her off of it. She only does it when I am in the kitchen cooking or cleaning the dishes, probably because she knows she isn't supposed to and wants me to see her... I am constantly telling her, "Get off the table. Now. NOW." She eventually obeys me. For the last few weeks I have had a table center piece of a few pumpkins. There is this tiny pumpkin that Winter loves to play with, she will even cuddle it and give it kisses because I call it the Baby Pumpkin, it's adorable to watch. But, the cuteness wears off when I realize she had to climb on the table to do this, even after I have told her not to.

I read an article that a friend posted on Facebook. Read it here. It's basically about paying attention to your child/children for a short period, really pay attention, and enjoying the moment. It was mind opening and made me think. I liked the comment my friend made, "If we could do this just once a day... even just once a week... imagine how powerful that would be". I agree. I decided to try it out this morning when Winter came into the kitchen to get my attention. When I gave it to her she walked towards the dining room, I knew exactly where she was headed. She pulled out the dining room chair and proceeded to climb up it and onto the table. She looked at me as soon as she reached her goal, most likely waiting for me to scold her and tell her to get down. Instead, I pulled out another chair, sat down and smiled. She gave me a puzzled look and then slowly reached for the smallest pumpkin. While giving her my full attention and not worrying about finishing the dishes, or how I would have to straiten the tablecloth and center pieces for the thousandth time, or that I was allowing Winter to do exactly what I had been telling her not to for the past few weeks strait, I noticed just how adorable she was as she chatted away to me while cradling the tiny pumpkin. Her little face lit up when she saw me nodding my head to agree with whatever gibberish she was telling me, and when I grabbed one of the bigger pumpkins and started to play with her and mimic whatever she was doing with her pumpkin. After a couple of minutes she set her pumpkin down where she got it, scooched closer to where I was sitting, and planted a kiss on my lips before she climbed off the table and moved the chair back to it's spot. She then went in the living room and played with her toys while I finished the dishes. She hasn't tried to climb the table since. I don't know if that part has anything to do with the rest of the story or not. Whether she never tries to climb up on the table again or tries to live on up from now on haha, oh well. I have this cute memory and I now know just how important it is for Winter and for me to interact with each other and how I need to strive to give her more of my undivided attention!

I challenge all of you parents out there to read this article, and try this mediation practice, put your phones away, turn the TV off, let the chores sit, get down to their level and give your full attention to your child. Even just for a few minutes a day. Or like the article suggests, just for one interaction with them per day.

You won't regret it.

*Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da... Life Goes On*

Today has been a little hard for me. Not just because I started eating "clean" and working out on monday, and I am so stinking sore and craving chocolate like nobody's business. Although, that is a big part of it haha. The other reason today has been a little harder on me than usual is the fun little fact that I started my period today for the first time since my miscarriage. The last time I saw blood coming from that region it was buckets worth and came with unimaginable pain (physical and emotional) that I actually passed out (partially from shock too, according to my doctor). I knew that I was going to start my period because of the usual symptoms, what I didn't know was that I would have a mini panic attack when I went to the bathroom. I had to take a minute to calm down and let the waterworks run their course before I took a deep breath, cleaned up, and went back to the bedroom to get Winter from Joey so he could head to work. Thankfully, he was still home so Win had someone while I melted down in the bathroom alone for a few minutes. I hugged her a little tighter and longer than most mornings and looked at the bright side, at least now I know things are back to "normal" and I can start to track when I ovulate (or IF I even ovulate every month) and begin Operation: "Why The Heck Can't I Get Pregnant Like A Normal Person?"!

I was looking at some ultrasound pictures and belly pictures of some friends who are about as far along in their pregnancy as I would be if little Blueberry were still present. I know, that's not going to help matters for me at all, but, I couldn't help myself. These girls look so darn cute preggers and you can see their little one's feet, hands, even their noses perfectly in their ultrasounds! That's why when I saw this quote (below), I couldn't stop the tears and the nods of agreement with the words. Even though I couldn't see our baby's feet in the ultrasound we got (I don't think they were quite developed yet according to "What To Expect When You're Expecting"), even though they were probably just the tiniest little stubs, they still left imprints on our hearts and I so thankful for that.

*Loss, Blessings, Family*

Okay, I'll make this quick because I'm sick of talking about it and I am sure people are sick of me talking about it...

Joey & I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago, a few weeks after that I lost the baby. Worst and most painful thing (emotionally & physically) that I have ever been through. Yes, I was barely 2 months along. Yes, we announced it way too early, but, we did that because my parents were visiting the states for Winter's baby blessing & sealing (more on that later!) and we wanted to surprise them while they were here. So, yes, we obviously were humiliated and devastated that we had to turn around and tell everyone the baby was gone.

What I am thankful for? #1 That we have had so much support. I seriously think it would have been harder if we hadn't told anyone and had to mourn alone. #2 That I wasn't so far along in the pregnancy. I can't even imagine carrying a child into my 2nd or, heaven forbid, 3rd trimester and then loosing it (shudder). Just 8 weeks was enough to make me to ache for the feelings of pregnancy to be back! #3 For my AMAZING husband and BEAUTIFUL daughter. Seriously the best man and perfect daughter in the world #4 That my parents were here for it all to go down. They helped me with Winter, gave me a blessing, were such great support. I love you guys! #5 For the experience of being pregnant, even if it was for such a short time. I loved every second of it and I hope and pray that I get to experience that again sometime soon.

I remember reading some things online the night before I miscarried. I read that the baby was around the size of a blueberry. That image stuck with me. Even in the ultrasound I had before I lost the baby, he/she actually looks like a little blueberry.

I am thankful for this experience and for all the other woman out there who came forward and shared their similar loses with me (I had no idea how many dear friends have gone through the same thing!). You are all so strong and thank you for your kind thoughts and words.

I miss my little blueberry.

Now, lets talk more about my little Winnie Jo :)

*Slow Cookin' Recipes*

Part of living on a ranch is that we have an abundance of beef. We usually butcher a beef cow every 6 months or so. And when we do that we sometimes end up with a few round steaks. Round steak is extremely tough and you can't cook it on a grill like a regular steak. In fact, in order for it to be edible you need to slow cook the heck out of it! The thing I like about this recipe though is that you don't have to use round steak, you can use a any kind of roast (you just have to sear it before you add it) or stew meat and it works just the same. I had 2 round steaks just laying around in my freezer that I figured I would tackle and this recipe turned out to be super easy!

Slow Cooked Round Steak Stew

- 3 or 4 potatoes. Quartered (whatever kind you like. I like Red or Gold potatoes because you don't have to peel them).

- 1 yellow onion. Chopped

- Small bag of baby carrots 

(I chopped all of my vegetables the night before so I could add them 1st thing the next morning)

- 2-3 cloves of garlic. Minced

- 2 pounds (about 2 large round steaks). Cut in 1/4's 

- 1 package of dry onion soup mix

- 1 package of dry ranch mix

- Salt & pepper

- 1 can of cream of mushroom soup

- 1 cup water

Mix water, dry seasonings and water together in separate bowl. Add Veggies. Add meat. Pour seasoned liquid/soup over everything. Cook in slow cooker for 7-9 hrs. (I cooked mine for 7 hours and the steak fell apart wonderfully!) 

We sometimes purchase 1/2 pig. Along with bacon, pork chops, baby-back ribs, and various other pig parts we get ham hocks. I was looking through my freezer and realized that I still had a ham hock I hadn't used and I thought... SOUP! I love Ham & Bean soup. Last time I made it with the leftover bone and meat from a large Thanksgiving ham we had eaten, and it was pretty good but the ham hock has more of a bacon taste and is super delicious in a slow cooked soup! You can also get ham hocks from the grocery story and they usually come in packages of 2's and 4's and super cheap!

Ham Hock & Northern Bean Soup

- 1 pound bag of white beans (I use great northern white beans). Soaked overnight

- 1-2 ham hocks. Thawed if it was frozen

- 2 14.5oz cans of low sodium chicken stock (you can use homemade chicken stock. Here's a good recipe. But it's a pain in the butt.)

- 5 cups of water

- 1/2 tsp of salt (the ham hock is pretty salty so you don't want to add any more than necessary.)

- Pepper (to taste)

- 1 tsp of chili powder

- 1 cup carrots. Chopped

- 1 cup white onion. Chopped

- 1 celery stock. Shopped
- 2 cloves garlic. Minced
(Again, I chopped all of my vegetables the night before so I could just add them right into the soup)
- 1 tsp mustard powder
- 2-3 bay leaves
- 2 cups of chopped ham

Add everything but the chopped ham into a large soup pan. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat and simmer for 2-3 hours. Remove and discard ham hock(s) and bay leaves (or give them to the dogs. Dolly loves me at the moment!) Add chopped ham and continue to simmer for at least 30 minutes. Soup is done when the beans are nice a mushy. You can leave the pan on low heat and keep it warm for whenever someone wants a bowl.

Try making these AMAZINGLY easy to make Muffin Biscuits by Trisha Yearwood to go with your soup!

*You Might Be A Parent If... Round One*

I was thinking of all the things I do differently now that I am a mom and all of the new things that compile my new life and I came up with this post. These are all actually things I have done and continue to do:

You might be a parent if...

... you Googled the lyrics to "Mary Had A Little Lamb" (there are 8 verses). Also, what the exact words to "Bakers Man" are.
... you have bought more clothes than your child will ever get around to wearing. But you haven't bought a single item of clothing for yourself since you can remember.
... parent magazine is your new InStyle.
... get your nails done? What does that mean?
... you cheer for poop. Seriously.
... you get the song "The Animal Farm" stuck in your head for weeks at a time. Sing it in the shower, in your head while you are trying to fall asleep, in an annoyed-because-you're-totally-sick-of-it-but-you-can't-help-yourself kind of voice.
... you do the same thing with "The Itsy Bitsy Spider".
... at least one load of laundry a day is the norm.
... you are so busy worrying about your child's eating schedule that you forget to feed yourself.
... when someone asks if you have any lotion they can borrow you hand them baby lotion.
... you have to transfer the photos off of your phone to your computer every couple of weeks because you have used all your phone and ICloud space taking pictures of your kid.
... you are an emotional and nervous wreck. Heavy on the emotional.
... your Facebook feed, Instagram, blog, Pinterest pins, texts, conversations, thoughts, actions, are all about your kid, pictures of your kid, ideas for your kid, your kid your kid your kid. And you're not sorry about it. In fact most of your posts end with this hashtag #sorrynotsorry.
... you live off of an hour here, an hour there of sleep. And it's all good.
... eating out is no longer fun.
... 80% of your time driving is with one hand on the wheel and the other reached behind your seat and into your child's car seat, putting on a puppet show with their stuffed animals in hopes that they quit screaming.
... if that fails you roll the windows down and turn the music up while counting backwards from a million.
... you love bedtime but at the same time you don't want to put your kid to sleep.

Stay tuned for more rounds. Do any of these relate to you as a parent? What are some of your "You Might Be A Parent If's?

*Type of Mom In One Picture*

I am in love with this local baby store called Storke Landing and I swear I go there every time I'm in the big town. My last trip in there I came out with 3 goodies that I think describe me as a mom pretty darn good haha.

Item #1- Rockabye Baby: CD of Lullaby Renditions from Queen. I am a classic rock girl. On our way home from the hospital, as we were installing the car seat, we had Def Leppard playing on the radio and the nurse who was required to check and make sure the car seat was installed right said, "Def Leppard! Such awesome parents starting her off right.".

Item #2- Green Sprouts: Nasal aspirator. I am all for being green, being healthy and keeping the earth healthy. This little guy is 100% recycled and made from natural materials. I like it because it is an item that will be up Winter's nose all the time, it's comforting to know it's the healthier choice. Joe & I try to buy green, organic materials and food as much as possible. There are some things that are just too expensive to go completely green or organic with, so we are choosey. 

Item #3- Lamaze: Moose rattle. I love Moose, they are my favorite. And on our way to the hospital to witness Winter being born there was a Moose in the canyon and he was there on our way home with Win 4 days later. So every time we see a Moose we call it "Winter's Moose".

What are some fun things that "describe you as a mom" or your mothering skills?